Blueclaw

[okpo]

Name: Blueclaw
Clan: FireClan
Age: 24 moons
Position: Warrior
Gender: Tom
Appearance: Smoky black tom with brown eyes, with unusually short claws, and he`s a strong warrior, and normal cat size.
Personality: he`s friendly, and likes to help others. He`s also loyal to his clan. He`s self-confident and sensitive.
Family/History: Spiderclaw and Whiteheart. No one knew them that much his father died before he was born, and his mother died shortly after he was born.
Other: He`s searching for a mate.

[Jess]

Hmm...Maybe you could work on it a bit. I mean, it might be hard to believe that you're good at roleplaying if you describe your cat with one line of appearance, one line of personality, and unknown as family. Maybe you could say his parent's names, but say no one ever knew who they were, get it? And if you have a picture of him, maybe I could help with the appearance. And there's a great site: click. It has a list of personality traits. You can use that to beef up the personality.

[okpo]

I updated it. The only picture I have is a mweor picture. Is the mate thing okay?

[Jess]

The mate thing is fine. You didn't even have to put something in the other part, so it doesn't matter how long that is.

The application is better now, but I still think you can do better. In his appearance, maybe you could put his build. You know like does he look really strong, weak, slender, fat, etc. Do you get it? And maybe you could put it in sentence format...

Here's a list of black cat pictures for you, so maybe you can describe him better:

click
clicketh
click

There ya go!

[okpo]

I updated it, again!

[Jess]

Now it is accepted, but I still think it can be better. Try harder next time!

ACCEPTED